Ritual
by ShootingStar7
Summary: John shares a piece of his past with Aeryn


Title: Ritual Author: Shooting Star Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm only borrowing. Rating: G A/N: The instant I saw Leslie Crichton with tarot cards in Kansas I fell in love with her character. I'd originally written this as Chiana comforting Aeryn with the help of a ritual Zhaan had taught her. But then I remembered Crichton's mother being a spiritual person, and the fic consequently morphed into something different. This is completely AU, and also hasn't been beta'd, so all mistakes are my own.  
  
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"If you do the work that you do from a loving heart, then you will always be able to make something beautiful."  
  
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He observed quietly from the doorway, as the figure battled to control themself. Warring with an emotional upheaval was one thing, dealing with having the man you love walk by you without so much as a sidewards glance was another.  
  
Raw, shattering sobs broke through the trembling wall, built around a broken spirit for so long it could not help but absorb the pain and consequently weaken.  
  
Unable to witness the display any more, he stepped forward into the room.  
  
"Aeryn."  
  
The shuddering figure turned at the sound, and locked onto a familiar set of eyes, the light blue pools radiating something that was not pity, no, she could not stand their pity, but with an honest understanding.  
  
Only the slightest tilt of Aeryn's head signalled her desire for her visitor to approach, and she watched as John folded his legs beneath him on the bunk.  
  
Tears continued to fall randomly down Aeryn's pale cheeks, but she no longer struggled for breath, gripped by anguished cries. John was thankful for that at least. He reached out a cautious hand to halt the descent of a single tear as it travelled over the curve of Aeryn's cheekbone. Aeryn attempted a smile in return, but only more tears fell.  
  
Seemingly out of nowhere he spoke, "My mother always told me that in a vast universe which often seems sinister and unaware of us, we need the presence and shelter of love to transfigure our loneliness. 'Perfect love casts out all fear.' She'd say that love was the language of the soul. She also said that no one can hurt you as deeply as the one you love."  
  
He stopped to look up at her, noticing the tears had ceased, a curious, yet still cautious expression on her face.  
  
"She was right."  
  
"She was."  
  
"She sounds a bit like Zhaan," Aeryn commented hesitantly, unsure if she should broach the topic further. He had never really talked about his mother, never shared any stories from when she was alive. It seemed odd that he start now.  
  
"Mom was sort of like Zhaan in a way. She used to mess around with tarot cards - they're these bits of thick paper with pictures on them. The pictures all have meanings and they're supposed to tell people's future. I used to think it was weird, but thinking about it now, she did have a gift."  
  
He sat quietly then, reflecting on his memories, and Aeryn had a chance to study him without him knowing. He seemed more comfortable around her, no longer a blank indifference in his eyes when he looked at her.  
  
Curiosity got the better of her, and she asked, "What are you doing here, John?"  
  
He surprised her by taking her hand in his and entwining their fingers.  
  
"I was thinking about Earth, and my mom. I remembered her telling me about an 'anam cara'. It means soul friend. And that got me thinking about how I've been neglecting my anam cara."  
  
He caught her gaze as he spoke the last sentence, allowing her to see the sincerity in his eyes. A slow, tentative smile graced her lips.  
  
"What did your mother tell you about this 'anam cara'?"  
  
Both smiling now, they settled themselves more comfortably, edging marginally closer to one another.  
  
"She said that Humans place too much emphasis on relationships. Computers replace personal encounters. Psychology replaces religion and beliefs. Because of that, the public view of intimacy is hollow. She said that real intimacy is of the soul, and that with your anam cara you share an intimacy so intense that you are awakened to the wild possibilities inside you. You possess a strength to do things you never dreamed possible."  
  
"But what happens when there is a distance between you and your anam cara? What then?"  
  
He stood, and she honestly believed he was preparing to leave, having said the wrong thing to him. But when he kept hold of her hand and tugged her to her feet, she relaxed, following him as he led her down the passageway.  
  
"Then we make things right. We fix it so we're together again."  
  
He was certain from the look in her eyes that she had picked up on the fact that he had referred to them specifically.  
  
"What is this place?" she enquired when he pulled her into a small room and sealed the door.  
  
"My mom believed that our every thought and belief structured the world around us through our expectations and how we patterned those expectations into spiritual energy. We had this ritual we'd perform as kids. She'd take us outside when it was raining and get us all to play in the rain. We'd be out shopping sometimes and it would be raining, but instead of putting up an umbrella to keep dry, she'd throw it away and just laugh and laugh until she got soaked to the bone."  
  
He paused and smiled, imagining the scene in his mind's eye.  
  
"When we were on the Ancient's Earth you got to see the rain. You seemed to enjoy it."  
  
Aeryn nodded her approval.  
  
"I know things haven't been great between us lately, but I thought that we could try this ritual, just once, to try and forget all the bad stuff and start over."  
  
He tapped his comm. badge with a grin, "Pilot, we're ready."  
  
Before Aeryn had a chance to ask John anything about his ritual, small droplets of what appeared to be water began to fall from the ceiling. She looked up to see that John had attached two of the sprinklers from the showers to the roof, and re-routed the water supply so that it fell from the ceiling like rain.  
  
She turned to him, a brilliant smile on her face, already forgetting the situation between them. He held his arms out wide, tilted his head upwards to catch the 'rain' on his tongue, laughing as it missed and landed in his eyes instead. Aeryn followed suit, and soon both of them were laughing as they turned circles in the rain, arms outstretched, allowing all the pain and fear to be cleansed, leaving only a sense of belonging.  
  
It wasn't the homecoming she had dreamed of, but it was a start. 


End file.
